Have you ever noticed how some things just roll off you, while other things seem to catch on and pull at you? I like to think of this difference as a duck versus chicken situation.

Here’s what I mean:

Imagine yourself as a duck walking around in the rain. Sure, you’re a bit wet, but most of the water just streams right off your back. Ducks have those smooth, waterproof feathers that help them glide through rainy days without getting too weighed down. Now, picture a chicken in the rain, especially a fluffy one like a Silkie (we had one once—she loved the rain and looked hilarious when she got soaked!). A chicken in the rain is bedraggled, with feathers that absorb the rain, making them look heavy, soggy, and a bit miserable. It’s not hard to see why I’d rather be a duck walking through life.

So, what do ducks and chickens have to do with triggers and emotions? 

When we have unprocessed emotions or stuck emotional energy in our bodies, it’s a bit like having little hooks sticking out of us. These “hooks” are points of sensitivity that can get caught on things in the world around us. A hook might catch on something someone says, a certain tone of voice, a place, a smell, or even a song—and suddenly, we feel triggered.

Here’s an example. Once, my husband calmly questioned my parenting style. There was no criticism, just curiosity, but that was enough to set me off. I felt triggered and responded with yelling, tears, and eventually storming out of the room. That’s a big reaction to a calm question! The thing is, my nervous system was carrying hooks of unresolved feelings and beliefs about being “good enough” as a parent. His question got caught on one of those hooks, and that triggered my reaction.

Now, not every trigger is so big. Take the example of my husband making a casual comment about my cooking. I felt a flash of annoyance, but this time, I recognised that the feeling was there without letting it take over. I could see he didn’t mean any harm, and I stayed present, choosing to let that moment pass without reacting. Noticing this smaller trigger was actually awesome because it showed me the topic around which I had some stuck emotions to work on. (I mean the big reaction did too, to be fair, but the reflection and curiosity definitely didn't come until a lot later with that one!). 

The more hooks of unprocessed emotion we have, the more things in life that “stick” to us, like a chicken’s feathers soaking up rain. And the more weighed down we become.

Processing these emotions—through practices like ERT, mirror work, or coaching—is like smoothing out the hooks, creating the waterproof resilience of a duck’s feathers. When we’re clear of those emotional hooks, we walk through life more freely. Situations that might have once triggered a strong reaction just glide right off, and we’re able to move on without being weighed down.

So, what would you rather be in life—a duck or a chicken? For me, I’ll take the smooth, unburdened feathers of a duck any day.